You’ve heard of the “Milwaukee Protocol” – that life-saving coma they induce if you’re bitten by a rabid animal and seek help just a tad too late. Or the “Medically Induced Coma” (MIC) when your brain swells after a serious injury. But what if I told you there’s another trauma we’re all suffering from that nobody talks about: Monday.
Yes, folks, Monday is nothing short of a mental and emotional crash. But I’ve got just the thing: the Monday Induced Coma—or as the professionals will call it one day, the MIC. Here’s the protocol:
- Get Comfortable: The first step to any proper coma is comfort. Ditch the work clothes, put on your favorite pajamas, sweats, or heck, just a blanket if you can’t be bothered.
- Have a Beer (or two): It’s called Monday Induced Coma for a reason. Crack open a cold one. This isn’t just any beer; this is a therapeutic agent to smooth over the emotional trauma of surviving another Monday. It works best in combination with Step 3.
- Laugh at the Pain: Find a comedian, binge-watch some comedy, or queue up something that reminds you life isn’t all existential dread. Let the humor do its thing and allow yourself to laugh at how internally wrecked you feel. If you’re not laughing by the end of it, you’re probably still in shock from the day’s events—proceed to step 4 immediately.
- Do Absolutely Nothing Productive: This is crucial. Do not, under any circumstances, start a new project. No laundry, no housework, not even thinking about tomorrow’s to-do list. Ambition is for the rest of the week. Monday is for recovery—anything else is a health hazard.
Remember, you’ve just survived a significant traumatic event: the Monday grind. Your brain and body need recovery. Think of the MIC as a modern miracle, your personal shield against the horror of the Monday aftermath.
Stay safe, and may your coma last until Tuesday.
Mark R Steinpreis
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Photo by: Rodrigo Jubram